She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
