I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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