I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
