Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
