I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
