So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So I just went to clothing optional bar
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
