My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
