My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
