I puked a lego.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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