youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
