dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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