so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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