This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
