He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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