defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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