I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
