Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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