I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
