you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
