so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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