We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
