I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
