i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I can't put those talents on a resume
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize