I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
