trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
