i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
