Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize