using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
as a side note pls kill me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
