i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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