I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
