would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
