I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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