I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
