how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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