the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
