Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
