no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
