If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize