She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
