I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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