pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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