you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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