I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
