so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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