I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
