Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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