your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
