I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
