So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
