Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
