I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
