My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
