How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
