im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
