I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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