Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
