awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize