i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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