Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
