Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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