It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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