forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sorry about my life...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
