I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
