I can text with my tongue
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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