Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize