he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
