I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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