i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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