exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I will be naked everywhere
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
