we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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