This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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