I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
