dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
